Yoga had gained global prominence and acclaim due to work of gurus like BKS Iyengar. Different schools exist like Iyengar Yoga, Ashtanga Yoga, Power (?) Yoga, Bikram Yoga etc. On the occasion of International Yoga Day, we identify Yoga schools that you never knew existed. And a couple of new poses too!
A student from the Congress School of Yoga
Congress School of Yoga
One of the original schools that was really dedicated to well-being of people. Over the last 40 years, the poses have become more worshipful of the family managing the school. All asanas are named after Jawahar, Indira and Rajiv. There is still a good core of asanas, but the members have become more and more interested in the location of centres, money collected as fees etc. Become less effective but still a good school for sons of fathers who were branch heads. Strengthens your left side.
Namo School of Yoga
Be prepared! You need to be dressed very well for the class. The typical class starts with the guru making a moving speech. Then all students have to wish other members happy birthday, anniversary etc. on social media. Then do asanas and then take selfies and post it. After sometime, the teacher will give another moving speech. Every month a festival will happen with nationwide events. Does good advertising on radio, TV etc. A lot of people say that asanas are the same from Congress school, just rebranded. However, these days this school only is selling, especially abroad. Started out as a right side school, but looks left sided with every passing day.
Amma School of Yoga
This is of the Ekalavya variety. Very strong in Tamil Nadu. All followers dress up in white dhoti and shirt. Keep a picture of Amma and do Yoga. No teachers are allowed. Only Suryanamaskar is allowed, but renamed as Ammavanakkam. Don’t think of becoming fit, as the school distributes sweets whenever Amma wins one of her numerous court cases. Need a strong backside, as a member may be kicked up or kicked out anytime.
Bollywood School of Yoga
You don’t need any skill to do this Yoga. Basically keep hyping about some Yoga you are going to do. Watch DVDs of Chinese, Korean, French exercises and repackage them as asanas. Admission restricted to sons and daughters of existing members. Exceptions for good looking foreigners who don’t know Hindi. Every 3 months the school will meet and award each other.
Sachin School of Yoga
Very hard working and committed. Whatever asanas you take up, should be done 100 times. Does not matter if you are tired or more energetic people are waiting. 100 is 100.
AAP School of Yoga
Originally thought to be a refreshing, new branch. Beginning to look more and more like the Amma school now. Has only one asana. All students lie down and start kicking and punching the air. If you ask them, they will say that the teacher is not teaching and they are protesting. The teacher will also be doing the same and blame someone else for doing it. Be prepared. Classes usually happen on the road. Good TV coverage for this Yoga.
Arnab School of Yoga
Actually more of a drama school. No exercise happens. Teacher will get 8 students from different Yoga schools. Then start shouting at their style of Yoga. Before the students demonstrate their asana, the teacher will start shouting at their owner, teacher etc. and ask them to show up. After the teacher has screamed his lungs out, the class disperses. Some students are repeated so much, that they have forgotten their asanas as well as ability to form sentences.
Here are just two asanas that you may not know! One new, one old:
Rahulasana: You don’t have to do anything. Just go into a Yoga camp. When somebody is holding a pose, go to them and say that you can understand their pain and you are their soldier. They will be confused. Then catch another person and do the same. In between make fun of the attire of the Namo School head. Keep going from school to school. Don’t do anything original.
Gowdasana: Wherever you are sitting, just close your eyes and shut down your system in two minutes. Very relaxing.